It’s like a vicious circle
So repetitive, it spins your head.
It is like a trap,
You may feel like you have found the best way out,
But once again when you’ll be with your troupe,
Giggling about the last night shenanigans,
You’ll find yourself drifting away.
Away, away, and snap! You’ll go off.
The coffee mug will slip out of your grip as your fingers tremble at feeling the void within once again.
Who says it’s your heart which feels the pain?
Its toxic, it will gush through your veins inflicting every muscle of you.
Every muscle, every bone feels the pain.
Are you sad? No.
Are you happy? No.
But you know there’s a painful mess, a mess so knotted that you’re simply clutched by it.
Constrained smiles and swirling minds have become your constants,
Pretending becomes so real, nobody can even guess.
And in the midst of not knowing what’s going on,
In the midst of the dilemma to begin again or stop where you are,
You go on with the so called rhythm of the world,
Because you don’t want to attract attention, gaze or question.
Truth being, what do you say when you don’t know what to say?
How do you make understand when you don’t understand?
You know you’re crazy, but you don’t want them to know.
So you’re just awfully quite now.
Experience has taught you about the expectations,
So now you know exactly when to frown, laugh, crack a joke, be disappointed,
Even if within you’re giggling instead of frowning, crying instead of laughing, being cold in place of being sensitive.
But you cannot tell or show this, you don’t want to seem crazy.
So you keep moving on with hope that someday your heart and head will reconcile,
Till then you just keep building your little world in that trap.